I'm a control freak. When I like a guy, I try to go out of my way to "run into" them or try to think of a legitimate excuse to text them (not just "hey what's up"). With ever guy I find an interest in, I feel as though he may be my last hope. For love, safety, a future, and whatever else may come from it.
And yet, I never am truly upfront with them about it, let alone date them. A friend of my just recently told me I act very stand-offish around guys, especially one I like. I'm afraid of getting hurt or humiliated so I wait for them to come to me. Well, that has yet to happen. There are times where I struggle with this a lot and ask God why I go unnoticed.
I'm a control freak. I can't control this. I can't make this happen, which is probably why I can convince myself (too easily, possibly) that it will never happen for me. What does that say about me? If I can't do something on my own, it won't ever work out? I feel like I can trust God with other things way easier than with this and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because it's one of my deepest longings. God knows that. So why would he ignore that?
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
Psalm 37:4
I was looking for a like button on here, but sadly there is none. I do like this though :) hehe you are awesome!
ReplyDeleteha, i've struggled with this before. and still sruggle with it now, and i'm dating someone. There was some point in teh past few years i had to ask God to help me with this because i was overly frustrated because i felt like I was too busy thinking about the guy i like and "what he thinks about me" whiel i was with him i couldn't even function around him or really any other guy... always wondering if their "I like you" radar was out like mine was.... I found so much freedom in asking God to enable me to feel free around men. TO remember just who He created me to be and to be that person. To simply love those boys or men just as I would love anyone else. To not feel as if i was making a move by initiating a conversation with them. I think we can overanalyze not initiating often and we often forsake a friendship because we feel like we are not allowed to talk to them at all. The more I asked God to hep me love their heart and the Jesus in them, the more I started to not care so much about who was initating conversation because i had a freedom given by Jesus to talk to them as they are and just as I am. I think you know what I"m taling about, but i love sharing experiences, espcially when it comes to guys, and this was mine. love you dearly girl, and i'm sad i didn't ge tto see you when u came to cali.... sometimes i wish i didn't answer ot the call of "life is too busy" when it comes to seeing darling people like u. love you.
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